Things work out right?

Today has been one of the hardest, most stressful days of my life. I don't think I have ever cried so much. I literally feel as though if I tried to produce tears right now, I would not be able to because my tear ducts have been completely drained. 

Today has been filled with multiple physical and emotional, uncontrollable breakdowns.

I hate crying in front of strangers. It's awkward. 

It's that time of year where I have no idea what I'll be doing for the summer or where.
I'm applying for co-op jobs. Well, I've applied for SO MANY co-op jobs. 
I have yet to hear anything, I hate this waiting, waiting, waiting. 


I have had a really easy life.  

I've never really had to try hard in school to get good grades

I've never had problems finding a job

I've never not had a home to go to

I've never not had enough money to pay for rent or food

I've never been concerned about my health

These are all things I no longer have, and I feel extremely scared.

I've never been put under so much stress and uncertainty,

and I have no idea how to deal with it.

I am overwhelmed. 

I don't know what to do

I do however know, and have to keep reminding myself:

I have a great group of friends at school who always help when they can

I will eventually get a co-op job - I'm just hoping it's something I want to do

and if I don't then I am going to volunteer my face off and get experience that way.

Friends have offered me their homes if I find myself without one, or I have my tent.

I'm waiting on a Bursary, and I'm applying for an education award I found today, so hopefully money will be coming my way soon.

And I've been told that I shouldn't worry about some health issues I have and it'll be alright.

And I have an amazing boyfriend who makes me feel so special, and comfortable, and safe. 

I'm going to be fine.

It's just really hard to stay positive when I feel like my whole life is falling apart.

And I have no control of my future.

This is probably some great life experience where I'm supposed to build character and learn something about myself, and be creative to pull through stressful times or something. 

I really need to get in the Ocean.

 

My Second Dance Show!

This is my second dance recital! I am so excited!

It's tomorrow!

Cute Dork

"(L)"

Everything is Plastic

 

Gonzales Bay , Victoria B.C

 Is a pretty beach

 

Pretty dirty.

 Today I found: 

13 shot gun shells

2 water bottles

2 lighters

rope

numerous plastic fragments

1 cup

5 tampon applicators

plastic film/food wrappers

a glass bottle 

a beer can

amoung other debris

 Somethings travelled from the ocean,

Somethings left by visitors

 Yet none of it belongs here,

Everything is plastic

& I stepped in dog poop

my reality lives in my head

I saw a bird sleeping on the pavement at the bus stop the other day. Laying over a folded wing on the cold cement, back to me, I couldn't look at it's face. I wondered what my little feathered friend could be dreaming about. Probably flying, with a tail wind, heart racing, moving faster then he'd ever flown before over the land. I wished I could be in that dream too. My eyes started watering as I squinted through the wind. 

Part of me knew that bird was dead, but I could not bring myself to believe it just yet. I walked over to see it's belly, and face. Eyes were closed, sleeping, just as I expected. I wanted to think he was smiling. I wanted to move him onto the grass where he would be more comfortable, or maybe into the low hanging Arbutus behind the bus stop. I could not bring myself to move the sleeping bird, in case I disturbed him and he woke too soon from his soaring adventure. 

Or to find he was limp and cold and lifeless. 


 

Alarm Clock

KW: "... you have places to be!"

RG: "Yeah, right here with you."