An Exhalation

I'm not sure what, or how to feel right now. Helplessly trapped, confined to a space that's physically limiting. All of a sudden I can't breath. I can't see anything, seamless, flat obstructions: walls, in all directions. I'm overwhelmed with possibilities waiting just out of reach. All I have to do is stand up, and with each leg walk. Walk until I can no longer hold myself. Until there are no lights, or sounds.
Silence.
I learned what silence is.
I miss silence.
I need silence.


I can't breath again.
Everyday I am in this city I break a little more.
I crumble away.
All I am is memories,
All I have is memories.
As I crumble I forget.
I loose those images, words, sounds that make me up.
One by one, they fall.
I am not living in this moment, creating memories.
It's impossible because: This moment is not real, 
everything about it is anthropogenically produced.
The memories that make me are the real ones.
The ones I don't want to loose.
I don't want to forget what real is.
When we forget what's real,
That is when our souls die.
Our bodies remain,
but they are empty.
There are too many empty bodies here.

When unsure

Sometimes it helps to stop and ask yourself:

What would Elizabeth Bennet do?

Soundtrack to my Heart

Do you have that one album, that every time you listen to it, it brings you back to a place where you were incredibly happy? An audio cue of a moment you never want to forget. Songs that make your heart pang of the fond memories now past, of places you wish you could return too, with people you miss dearly. 

You associate this place with this album because that's where you were the first time you heard it, you fell in love with it, you were having the time of your life with it playing in the background.  

Every time I play it, I find myself back in the car, driving up and down that peninsula, it's raining, we're talking about anything, headed to the beach. We're at the grocery store buying glazed donuts, and whatever is on sale for dinner. We're meeting for lunch during work breaks, and talking about surfing. Everyday headed back to the beach, back in the water, with that album playing in the back of my head.

Listening to it now is heartache, but I just want to return to that time when life was easy, and I was having so much fun. It let's me escape from midterms, labs, and the city, at least just for a moment. I like to think that's alright to do, but I know it's because I'm addicted to that heartache, of wanting something I can't have.
Maybe it's time to put that album back on the shelf and forget it for a while, because living in the past isn't getting me anywhere.  

Cloud Covered Coffee

The World is Mine.

Note to Self:

Don't hesitate. Live. Dream elaborately. Read poetry out loud. Scream at the top of your lungs every once in a while. Breath. Have friends over and cook them delicious food. Sing in the shower. Dance from point A to point B. Stretch after a long day. Write things down. Always accept what you are given.

Let go of any negative emotions and energy at the end of each day, you don't need them.
Let go of any positive emotions and energy at the end of each day, you don't need them either.
Just be.

Breath. Love every little bit about yourself. Let go of your ego. You are insignificant. Forgive. Be silly, and ridiculous. Laugh. Laugh so hard it hurts. Work your body until it sweats, and shakes. Breath. Always exercise your imagination. Draw.

Do things you love. Do things you dislike, it builds character.

Climb a tree, then hug it. Travel. Howl at the Moon. Swim in the Ocean often. Tell yourself you're beautiful, because you are. Breath. Vacuum up a long line of pennies.
Be independent, stand tall, and stand up for what you believe in. Express yourself. Speak your mind, you have a voice,
LET'S HEAR IT. Don't be afraid.
Play in the sun, play in the rain.


Take cat naps regularly.

Every Morning

Wholesome Adventures

There's nothing quiet as fun as waking up at 5:30 in the morning, hopping in The Jazz Cafe, boards in back, and headed to the West Coast to surf some salty waves. They weren't that big, but they were tonnes of fun. Just playing in the water with the birds, seals, bull kelp, otters, and neoprene covered friends is all a girl needs in life. It's so hard to stay in school when there's a whole watery world I want to submerge myself into. Permanently.

My post-surf nap included a stream of dreams in a never ending left barrel, sometimes in the sun somewhere tropical, sometimes in the rain along my favourite coast. Waking I found myself "So pitted" in my warm, flannel sheets, sprawled out on my single bed, drooling a little puddle on my pillow.
This is the easiest life we've ever lived.



2:03:30

Today was the Royal Victoria Marathon, 1/2 marathon, and 8km Race!

 My wifey Kimberwolf ran and finished her first 1/2 marathon in an amazing 2 hours, 3 minutes, and 30 seconds. I am so proud of her!

 Paws came out to support her, and cheer on all the runners!

 Kim is my hero.

And a total babe.

Today was so much fun!

Fall beds

No.1 In the "In The Water" Series: Fall 2011

Sometimes Kim and I like to paddle out in Gonzales Bay and watch the sunrise.

We sing, we splash,

We laugh.

We imagine there are waves.

                    

With the water to ourselves,

  

We create our own watery world.

Where life is brilliant,

And just for that time in the morning,

The world is perfect.

Today is Bliss

That is all.

Goofy-Footed



  I pee in the shower.



Sometimes I imagine I'm the lead singer in an all girls punk rock band.

I always double-dip

I absolutely love seeing semi trucks at night, all lit up.

I think they look like dragons.

It makes me extremely uncomfortable when people where shoes inside. I also dislike wearing socks.

 I think the moon is made of cheese.

Justin Bieber Beat Me Up

Surf wound.

My niece was looking at my surf board and I asked her what I should name it and she told me:

"Justin Bieber"

Needless to say I wasn't thrilled by her decision, but I couldn't change it after that.

Write me a letter

Stuck out here catching rain drops on cold skin, salty to the taste, while attempting to grasp last chances, as you turn everything into birds and fly away.
Take me with you. 

That smile, tugging my leash, my heart strings too. Driving to the water, watching waves. "You're standing on my sternum don't you climb down darling."
Let me in.

You're too shy to tell if I'm right, or wrong, or why.

Waiting for the Sun to Rise.

Salty Breakfast

On the Menu:

Homemade yogurt, with homemade granola, and blackberries I picked from my backyard, with hand ground coffee prepared by means of a press. Everything was finished with a fine dusting of sand, when eating at the beach it's inevitable.

I went for a paddle this morning, and the sun rises so late now, it was not my usual beautiful sunrise mornings. The sky looked sodden with heavy grey condensation, and the on-shore winds were cold, and the wavy salty water sprayed on my naked face. Dipping paws into what seemed icy water to the bare flesh stiffen the fingers until a numbness set in.

It was fantastic.

Cold Morning Sand

Morning Paddle

Waking up, pulling the thick layer of neoprene up and over my body, walking across the street to the beach with board under arm and seeing my wifey already in the salty water put the biggest smile on my face this morning.
Paddling out into the little bay that is Gonzales beach, sun rising, and visits from seals is the best way to start a day I think.
I know. 

After returning home, rinsing off, eating breakfast I returned to the sandy shore to enjoy a bodum full of hot coffee, and played on a neat protruding log:

  

Lucky Girl

It's been a sandy toes kind of morning.

This is Where I Live

Good Morning Ocean.

My watch alarm beeped me awake at 8:02, beep, beep, beep. After grabbing pants, boiling water, hand grinding awful coffee, I lightly stepped the 2 minute walk to the beach with steaming bodum in one hand, the empty mug I found at the free store on Denman Island in the other. Walking down the sloping paved path, the smell of salty air hit my sleepy lungs, and I sucked back the sun through each pore of my skin.

Sitting on a concrete ledge, sipping on the hot brown liquid I watched the community of dogs, and dog walkers along the beach. They all seemed to know each other, five furred friends I saw at once playing with sticks and balls, in and out of the water, in and out of the water again. Their owners chat about them, about themselves, about each other. They all move on along the beach to start their days, as the sun continues to rise.

Trash Talk

Back when I was visiting Victoria, I made a stop at the beach in front of the Ross Bay Cemetery. It's a nice beach, once you get past the ways in which it's been anthropogentically modified. The gravel that has been brought in to fill the coastline just doesn't quite look right to me. But something else I noticed not looking quite right was the amount of garbage I found on shore, and floating in the water. Walking only about 20m along the beach I managed to fill my arms with plastic, foil, and a rubber glove.

The photo is of the garbage found within the seaweed, sticks, and beached jellyfish. I was shocked at how much garbage I found in such a short amount of time and distance along the beach. I didn't intentionally go to the beach to pick up debris, but as I saw one piece after another, the little time I had turned into a bit of a cleanup. 

Part of me is a bit naive to think that no one intentionally litters these days, and this mess is of accidental deposit. The other part though knows that all of this could not be the outcome of accident, but rather negligence.

I am one to pick up garbage if I come across it, and see it as our responsibility to do so. If  garbage is public property then we (you and me), as members of the public, are the owners of all the garbage stuck to the city streets, under the forest canopy, and floating in the ocean. Therefore we have a responsibility to pick up not only after ourselves but each other, because it all belongs to all of us, and we cannot be ignorant of that.

I encourage those who read this to adopt this way of thinking of garbage and to pick litter up when you come across it as if it were your own, because it is. 

My mum always used to tell me not to take shells from beaches, beacause if everyone took them, there wouldn't be any left for people to enjoy. If we apply this to litter, and everyone picked up one piece of garbage a day, would there be any left on the streets? In our parks? On our beaches?

City Bike Grassland

Worth Waiting

You could have my heart, man if only you knew. Unbraced, I am faced with the most gorgeous smile, that makes the pumping mass in my chest skip, and speech stutter. I try not to get caught watching you peel away your second skin, and fall too hard over morning coffee and muffins.

With silly plays on words, I fear to be to forward, for I know nothing could realistically come of such feelings. Sometime in the future when, with more certainty, I hope we could be somewhere, somehow, in each others vicinity. Although for now, if there is a chance for such a romance, my heart will not deny it.

Eyes, Ears, Mouth, and Nose.

I've been doing a lot of driving and visiting lately (approx. 700km up, down, and across Vancouver Island). Upon leaving Tofino, I have been back to Denman for a day, then down to Victoria, where I visited my Wifey and played in her garden:

We were weeding and surprisingly found about 10lbs of rouge potatoes that we made a fabulous lunch from with onions, leeks, and garlic from the garden, accompanied by a salad as well.

After getting my fix of Discovery Coffee, seeing HP 7 pt. II with the lovely Lo & Wife for a second time, and BBQing with the best company, I left on a much bigger ferry then I have been used too, and headed for the mainland (for the first time in over a year). Off to the big city I headed to see one of my favourite bands, Beirut, play at the Commodore Ballroom! The show was most excellent, and one that was on my list of things to see before I pass. My favourite songs were played, and I was with a group of 7 pretty awesome people, so I am happy to say my Vancouver trip was very enjoyable. Now I am back in Nanaimo, and will being getting a ride up North, and return to my tiny island.

High Tide

Again I have escaped away to the West Coast of the "Big" Island.

Oh how Tofino has my heart in more ways then one.

I had the most amazing surf thus far, period. I actually surfed-for real- and I mean dropping in on the face of green waves, not just being pushed around by white wash, or catching waves and popping up in the trough.

I can still feel the rush of momentum of the board beneath me, as I slid down that first wave, and thought :

"Oh... This is what surfing is."

This one wave was the start of an irrevocable relationship between the ocean and I.

Comparing my first lesson to present day, I feel I've improved so much in the last 4 months since I started this wavy love affair. Not only the physical aspect of surfing, but the metal changes I've experienced have reshaped my ability to let the ocean into my life fully. Growing up on the coast I have always had a close bond to the great body of salty H2O that has surrounded me since birth. I love being on the water, on the shore, but always had this fear of being in the vast marine world. Learning about all the beautiful and terrifying creatures that live in the cold depths, and my (irrational) fear of whales, has kept me out for far to long, and surfing has helped me break the surface. It may have something to do with the thick neoprene barrier between my fear and I, but with board under arm, I've been able to overcome a fear and be flooded from the oceans high tide. I even saw whales for the first time while out in the water breaching, and flapping their tails far off shore, and I was okay with it, even more, I was excited and wanted to see more.