I love when the sky falls

I have been far to occupied with the snow we got the other day- my favourite, and being at the lake - also my favourite. So I have been just to busy, being too happy, under favourable conditions.
I am going to buy a lottery ticket today for the first time. I am going to win.

Also I find it extremely amusing to see this city fall apart when any amount of snow falls.

Always Again & Again

(29/12/08)

My Pellegrino’s flat just like my determination,

You’ve taken them both to detonation.

I drank from the jar, no bubbles were found,

To you by a string somehow I am bound.

I cannot let go of the words that you spoke,

The promises now, have left me to choke.

You know that you broke, and shattered them all,

You’ve lead me to allow my successes to fall.

I feel like my life has been lived  so untrue,

As if I had owed or had to impress you.

You left us alone and sometimes it was tough,

All I could feel was that I wasn’t enough.

For my own father what was it I lacked?

For certain I thought that this was a fact.

So long my own worth I had felt doubt,

I know now that you’re the one that’s missing out.

I sit hear alone on my living room couch,

In realizing this for you I cannot vouch.

I deserve more then to wait here for you,

To my new life this is my debut.

Today I declare that I’ll make my own choice,

To follow my heart and hear my own voice.

I won’t do what I think will bring you back,

But get this engraved on the face of a plaque.

This I will read each morning that I wake,

My heart and my soul will no longer ache.

Of what I had thought was missing inside,

Now that I know that, the feeling has died.

I’ll fill up the emptiness with what is true,

my successes and loved ones who have helped me through.

I will let go, and release all of  the wrong,

With what I’ve been struggling with for so long.

Busy w/Life.

Best Coast, Mel's Birthday Party, Homework, 

Dance, Knitting, Homework, Naps, 

Cleaning, Stats Party, Crafts, 

Playing with Kitty.

Life is Brilliant.

xo

Singles Awareness Day: A New Tradition?

Being a romantic does not get you far,
Maybe as far as the bottom of a Haagen Dazs carton.
Or at least that is where I find myself.
Okay, not quite the bottom,
Apparently one can't even get THAT far.
It is with difficulty not to feel sad, lonely, and depressed.
But this "holiday" is just so good at magnifying said feelings.
Honestly though, I am quite alright,
and have really been enjoying the single life.
It's just days like this when the romantic comes out 
and fiddles with my little heart and makes it want things
It can't have and is not all that ready for.
And want things I shouldn't have,
like chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
It was even on sale, how could I say no?

Always Again

I didn't have the guts,

to go through with it.

I didn't have the strength,

to say the words.

To admit to this desire,

would be a pain lost.

To act on what I want,

I thought I could do.

Disappointed in myself,

defeated once again.

Will this burden lay with me?

Why can I not confess the help needed?

To the only one who can,

The only one with the answers.

Another moment lost,

Another restless night.

I miss LAB

     Warning: This post is just me whining and complaining about how I hate the process of growing out my hair.

     I have been growing my hair out. Long. Something I haven't done in a hand full of years. It's proving rather difficult, frustrating, and extremely boring. I am in the in between awkward length where I am tired of wearing it down and boring in a lame bob, but I can still somewhat pull it back into a stupid stub of a pony tail.
     
      I love having a short, fun, funky salad tossed upon my head. I also miss getting my hair cut by the fabulous Katie Schaan at Lab Salon in Victoria. The entire experience of getting my hair cut is fantastic; it's the time I take to really pamper myself, and feel luxurious. The brilliant staff, the head massage and shampoo is always amazing, and then the excitement of changing the fringe that I see everyday. I love trying new things and even trying something a little outrageous like when I had this hair:

     It was so fun! Although I must admit having my hair a bit longer does make me feel so much more feminine and pretty. Not that i didn't before, just the short purple cut doesn't quite give the same feel. I think I am just going through getting-my-hair-cut-withdrawals.

I miss it dearly.

     But I must stay strong, and keep holding out on the hair cut if i want the long locks, which I so badly do.

The Sun Does Rise With Me

The sky is the most interesting colour of everything.
The light like I've never seen before, is irredesent to touch,
chilling to breathe.
And the eye of heaven shines on faces not forgotten.
Clouds have pasted and this new morning was much needed,
for those suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Dance

To me its the physical exertion of expression,
                             through movement and interpretation,
                                                 in a single experience.
           To feel music
               run through each limb in turn,
 and visually present the rhythm channelled
                                                                  (internally).

                              To hold on to an emotion,
                and express it fully through the entire body,
                                       and in an instant
                                                             let go of
                         
                                                              everything.

   The ability to choose how to manipulate the body physically
           to portray an image or a feeling is, in itself, freeing and empowering.

                                         This freedom is addictive,
                               and I can always feel it there,
                                                                         beneath
                                                                                    each
                                                                                         step.
  It's waiting for any opportunity to break free
                from somewhere within.
                                  It allows me to feel beautiful,
                                                                     upset,
                                                                     strong,
                                                                     angry,
                                                                     fragile,
                                                                     content,
                                            
                                                      anything I want to feel.


                               It's a release of everyday emotions and energy,

                                                                       a relief.

Poddlings.

I would not be able to handle the amount of school work I have without   The Pod: the very amazing, brilliant, incredible group of wonderful people I have the pleasure of engaging in educational activities with.

All we do is laugh.

Literally.

I am ALWAYS smiling when I am around these people, they bring out the best in me.

They inspire and motivate me to put everything into my work, even when the work doubles like E.coli (every 20 minutes) or so it seems, and then we laugh about it. 

When everything is piling on us we have each other to hold ourselves above the masses of text books and assignments and not get lost in it all, but look down and just laugh at how ridiculous it is.

Although I think we have all lost our minds at this point. But we just laugh about that too.

Seriously we are laughing ALL THE TIME.

I am pretty sure everyone else in the Environmental Technology program thinks we are insane.

I love that we are an extremely diverse group of people that fit together just perfectly. I love that we create an immensely comfortable atmosphere that I can be myself in every way, shape, and form.

And laugh as loud as I want/can.

I also can't believe that this is only our first year in the program!

And it's only going to get harder!

(that's what she said?)

...

HA HA HA!

P&P

Mr.Darcy is all but a social butterfly. How shy he becomes in a room of strangers and acquaintances. How proud he is seen but in truth it is shyness to easy conversation. One is not approachable when discomfort is sensed, and mistaken for short dislike. To close oneself off from a room is a loss of neighborly affection, and enjoyment of company. How much I want to break down the walls he has built around himself and set him free to love and be loved by the world. What joy I want to bring to his gentle heart, to open him to the world he is missing.