so quite new

With this thing called "free time" ahead of me in the form of a winter break from school I've come to the realization I no longer have hobbies. School has completely consumed my life to the point that I have forgotten all other interests I once had. 

This concerns me a bit because I feel hobbies are a reflection of my interests, which stem from my values and ideologies that define who I am. When I no longer express myself through such activities I fear I lose a bit of myself, who then do I become but a body, where is my soul? 

I used to knit a lot, read for pleasure, write, and swim. Once upon a time I played music, and went for bike rides, played chess, and went for hikes. Then there are the things I used to want to get into like film and photography, cooking, and learning how to ride a unicycle. My life consists of school, studying, and surfing (which I don't consider a hobby, rather essential to retain sanity). 

There are exciting times ahead for me as I rediscover, and find new activities and interests to engage in, as well as think about all the things I could do with an English major.      

Styrophobia

 

 

Additude Adjustment

School has really got me down lately so I thought I would comprise a list of things that make me happy to try and counter act the negative feelings I'm having towards school.

Puddle jumping after rainy days

Cozy toes in wool socks

Really big pom-poms

Extracting blackheads

Taking the wax off my surf board

Crossing things off To-Do lists

Picking hair out of the drain

Looking up flights to places I want to travel

Making homemade soup

Writing and sending letters

Receiving letters is great too

Curling up in flannel sheets and napping

Discovery coffee (beverages & people)

Riding the bus in the morning

Doing beach clean ups

Sucking pennies up with the vacuum

That vacuum has two U's in it

When my roommate bakes

Eating food from the garden

Putting Maple Syrup on everything

Day dreaming about my love life

Always calling people by their names when they're wearing name tags

Licking salt rocks (those pinks ones)

Poking fires with sticks

Watching marshmellows expand when you through then in the fire

Thinking about how there is a skeleton inside me

Post-surf nasal drip

Jumping in big Autumn leaf piles

Saying "Thank you driver" when I get off the bus

Getting pruney fingers from being in the water for a long time

When cats do silly things

Eating stale popcorn

Awkward moments

Getting jittery when I drink to much coffee

I feel much more relaxed, and in a better mood after thinking of all these things that make me happy. Mission accomplished.

My Hobby(Addiction)

It begins with the hunt. You get to the beach of choice, slip your dominant hand into a glove, and with bag grasped you're off scouring the sand and cobbles. At first it's hard to find any garbage and you catch you're self thinking, "Hey, this beach is pretty clean, there's hardly any garbage here at all!".
When you find your first piece however, all of a sudden you find another, and another, little bits of coloured plastic, Styrofoam, a paper cup, a piece of rope tangled in a pile of bull kelp. Everywhere you look you see something geometrically shaped, these unnatural shapes and colours buried in the sand, wedged in between logs, hiding in the dune grass. A shiny object catches your eye, a beer can, pieces of soft plastic, a glass bottle reflects the light to get your attention.
You look at your bag and are surprised at how much trash you've already found and you've only walked 20 meters down the beach. There are big objects like boat floats, just about enough articles of clothing to make an outfit, a tire, an old lawn chair, then the amount of small things add up so quickly, you can't believe you've found enough cigarette butts to fill the grande coffee cup you found earlier. 
You finally get to the end of the beach and turn around thinking you've gotten everything, but you quickly find you missed so much, how could that be? Garbage is the best at hiding. It knows all the best spots to squeeze into. 

With every piece of garbage you pick up, you notice something; The act of picking up a single piece of garbage holds an immense amount of humanity, and at the same time is instantly satisfying. The removal of anthropogenically produced trash from the beach makes you feel good about yourself, but it also holds so much more meaning:

Respect for your coast, responsibility for human behavior, as well as being personally rewarding. 



    

Being Liquid

What does public access to our beaches mean to me?

This is something I've been given the opportunity to really think about.

When I am out in the water, I am a part of it. I am the Ocean. I feel the tides ebb and flow, I feel the currents run through me, I move with the breaking waves as one. 

This is the most intimate relationship I have ever experienced. Having access to this liquid being is essential to all life.

My life.

I have the utmost respect for the Ocean, it's power, beauty, and life are of the greatest significance. Humans have tried to understand, own, and control the water, but you can't, and they never will. 

Our coasts will not back down. The Ocean will always fight to be free.

I will not back down. I will always fight to be free. 

When the Ocean is Free,

Only then am I Free.  

Come Paddle Out!

Surfrider's South Vancouver Island Chapter is having their 3rd annual Paddle Out for Public Access Sunday at Jordan River from 12-3! There will be a beach clean up, a BBQ, yoga session, speakers from the TLC Land Conservancy and Dogwood Initiative, music, wetsuit changing competition, awesome prizes, and of course the Paddle Out!

Everyone is invited! Ocean enthusiast coming together to celebrate our coast! 

ReCharged

A terrifying wake up by four alarms is a sure way to get one out of bed. Two cell phones, a clock, and watch, all each others backups. Not trusting if our cell phones would automatically change the time back an hour for day light savings.

Starting the day at 4:45 in the morning is always a little tough, but when you know you're headed for the water every second of sleep you lose is worth it. Stumble to the bathroom, throw on some pants, boil water for coffee, and Kim's already making oatmeal with dates, there was frost outside of every surface. On every blade of crunchy grass. The two of us standing in the drive way, boards on the lawn, feet in wool socks waiting in the dark for the guys.
On the road by 5:30, out of the city, a sigh of relief.

I can breath. 

Sing alongs starting soon after the sleep's been rubbed out of half closed eyes, no sign of first light until Jordan River.
Onward along the twisting paved path through rainforest to find a gravel parking lot filled to the brim. It was going to be a busy day in the water, with swell on a weekend it wasn't exactly a surprise.
Suited up with boards underarms, the decent to sea level was made with quick feet, and in time for sunrise. This could have been the end to the day and I would have been completely satisfied.

This was my first time at this wave, I had only ever surfed at other parts of the beach before. The swell was great, the water was crowded, more so then I have ever experienced, which was intimidating at first, trying to figure out how the line up was working, and how and where this wave breaks. The guys here are more aggressive then I'm used too, and after awhile of letting everyone else go for everything I got into the pocket and took some of my own. This wave was nice and easy to paddle into, but after a few nose-dives (my specialty) I got a nice right I rode to the beach. The number of people about doubled and it was getting cold waiting in the water, so we headed back up to change in the cold air, and attempt  to warm numb toes and fingers with coffee from a hot Thermos, and packed snacks.

Layered in sweaters, scarfs and jackets, returning to the beach, we watched the numerous collisions and party waves.
We met friends from the Surfrider Foundation for a beach clean up, and found a ridiculous amount of beer cans. Kim and I did a 50 m transect of beach face, and scoured this area for the garbage analysis.
Again we went up to the parking lot, this time getting in the truck and headed back to the city with the heater on, and finally having feeling coming back to my fingers and toes.

I hold my breath.

An Exhalation

I'm not sure what, or how to feel right now. Helplessly trapped, confined to a space that's physically limiting. All of a sudden I can't breath. I can't see anything, seamless, flat obstructions: walls, in all directions. I'm overwhelmed with possibilities waiting just out of reach. All I have to do is stand up, and with each leg walk. Walk until I can no longer hold myself. Until there are no lights, or sounds.
Silence.
I learned what silence is.
I miss silence.
I need silence.


I can't breath again.
Everyday I am in this city I break a little more.
I crumble away.
All I am is memories,
All I have is memories.
As I crumble I forget.
I loose those images, words, sounds that make me up.
One by one, they fall.
I am not living in this moment, creating memories.
It's impossible because: This moment is not real, 
everything about it is anthropogenically produced.
The memories that make me are the real ones.
The ones I don't want to loose.
I don't want to forget what real is.
When we forget what's real,
That is when our souls die.
Our bodies remain,
but they are empty.
There are too many empty bodies here.

When unsure

Sometimes it helps to stop and ask yourself:

What would Elizabeth Bennet do?

Soundtrack to my Heart

Do you have that one album, that every time you listen to it, it brings you back to a place where you were incredibly happy? An audio cue of a moment you never want to forget. Songs that make your heart pang of the fond memories now past, of places you wish you could return too, with people you miss dearly. 

You associate this place with this album because that's where you were the first time you heard it, you fell in love with it, you were having the time of your life with it playing in the background.  

Every time I play it, I find myself back in the car, driving up and down that peninsula, it's raining, we're talking about anything, headed to the beach. We're at the grocery store buying glazed donuts, and whatever is on sale for dinner. We're meeting for lunch during work breaks, and talking about surfing. Everyday headed back to the beach, back in the water, with that album playing in the back of my head.

Listening to it now is heartache, but I just want to return to that time when life was easy, and I was having so much fun. It let's me escape from midterms, labs, and the city, at least just for a moment. I like to think that's alright to do, but I know it's because I'm addicted to that heartache, of wanting something I can't have.
Maybe it's time to put that album back on the shelf and forget it for a while, because living in the past isn't getting me anywhere.  

Cloud Covered Coffee

The World is Mine.

Note to Self:

Don't hesitate. Live. Dream elaborately. Read poetry out loud. Scream at the top of your lungs every once in a while. Breath. Have friends over and cook them delicious food. Sing in the shower. Dance from point A to point B. Stretch after a long day. Write things down. Always accept what you are given.

Let go of any negative emotions and energy at the end of each day, you don't need them.
Let go of any positive emotions and energy at the end of each day, you don't need them either.
Just be.

Breath. Love every little bit about yourself. Let go of your ego. You are insignificant. Forgive. Be silly, and ridiculous. Laugh. Laugh so hard it hurts. Work your body until it sweats, and shakes. Breath. Always exercise your imagination. Draw.

Do things you love. Do things you dislike, it builds character.

Climb a tree, then hug it. Travel. Howl at the Moon. Swim in the Ocean often. Tell yourself you're beautiful, because you are. Breath. Vacuum up a long line of pennies.
Be independent, stand tall, and stand up for what you believe in. Express yourself. Speak your mind, you have a voice,
LET'S HEAR IT. Don't be afraid.
Play in the sun, play in the rain.


Take cat naps regularly.

Every Morning

Wholesome Adventures

There's nothing quiet as fun as waking up at 5:30 in the morning, hopping in The Jazz Cafe, boards in back, and headed to the West Coast to surf some salty waves. They weren't that big, but they were tonnes of fun. Just playing in the water with the birds, seals, bull kelp, otters, and neoprene covered friends is all a girl needs in life. It's so hard to stay in school when there's a whole watery world I want to submerge myself into. Permanently.

My post-surf nap included a stream of dreams in a never ending left barrel, sometimes in the sun somewhere tropical, sometimes in the rain along my favourite coast. Waking I found myself "So pitted" in my warm, flannel sheets, sprawled out on my single bed, drooling a little puddle on my pillow.
This is the easiest life we've ever lived.



2:03:30

Today was the Royal Victoria Marathon, 1/2 marathon, and 8km Race!

 My wifey Kimberwolf ran and finished her first 1/2 marathon in an amazing 2 hours, 3 minutes, and 30 seconds. I am so proud of her!

 Paws came out to support her, and cheer on all the runners!

 Kim is my hero.

And a total babe.

Today was so much fun!

Fall beds

No.1 In the "In The Water" Series: Fall 2011

Sometimes Kim and I like to paddle out in Gonzales Bay and watch the sunrise.

We sing, we splash,

We laugh.

We imagine there are waves.

                    

With the water to ourselves,

  

We create our own watery world.

Where life is brilliant,

And just for that time in the morning,

The world is perfect.

Today is Bliss

That is all.

Goofy-Footed



  I pee in the shower.



Sometimes I imagine I'm the lead singer in an all girls punk rock band.

I always double-dip

I absolutely love seeing semi trucks at night, all lit up.

I think they look like dragons.

It makes me extremely uncomfortable when people where shoes inside. I also dislike wearing socks.

 I think the moon is made of cheese.

Justin Bieber Beat Me Up

Surf wound.

My niece was looking at my surf board and I asked her what I should name it and she told me:

"Justin Bieber"

Needless to say I wasn't thrilled by her decision, but I couldn't change it after that.

Write me a letter

Stuck out here catching rain drops on cold skin, salty to the taste, while attempting to grasp last chances, as you turn everything into birds and fly away.
Take me with you. 

That smile, tugging my leash, my heart strings too. Driving to the water, watching waves. "You're standing on my sternum don't you climb down darling."
Let me in.

You're too shy to tell if I'm right, or wrong, or why.

Waiting for the Sun to Rise.

Salty Breakfast

On the Menu:

Homemade yogurt, with homemade granola, and blackberries I picked from my backyard, with hand ground coffee prepared by means of a press. Everything was finished with a fine dusting of sand, when eating at the beach it's inevitable.

I went for a paddle this morning, and the sun rises so late now, it was not my usual beautiful sunrise mornings. The sky looked sodden with heavy grey condensation, and the on-shore winds were cold, and the wavy salty water sprayed on my naked face. Dipping paws into what seemed icy water to the bare flesh stiffen the fingers until a numbness set in.

It was fantastic.

Cold Morning Sand

Morning Paddle

Waking up, pulling the thick layer of neoprene up and over my body, walking across the street to the beach with board under arm and seeing my wifey already in the salty water put the biggest smile on my face this morning.
Paddling out into the little bay that is Gonzales beach, sun rising, and visits from seals is the best way to start a day I think.
I know. 

After returning home, rinsing off, eating breakfast I returned to the sandy shore to enjoy a bodum full of hot coffee, and played on a neat protruding log:

  

Lucky Girl

It's been a sandy toes kind of morning.

This is Where I Live

Good Morning Ocean.

My watch alarm beeped me awake at 8:02, beep, beep, beep. After grabbing pants, boiling water, hand grinding awful coffee, I lightly stepped the 2 minute walk to the beach with steaming bodum in one hand, the empty mug I found at the free store on Denman Island in the other. Walking down the sloping paved path, the smell of salty air hit my sleepy lungs, and I sucked back the sun through each pore of my skin.

Sitting on a concrete ledge, sipping on the hot brown liquid I watched the community of dogs, and dog walkers along the beach. They all seemed to know each other, five furred friends I saw at once playing with sticks and balls, in and out of the water, in and out of the water again. Their owners chat about them, about themselves, about each other. They all move on along the beach to start their days, as the sun continues to rise.

Trash Talk

Back when I was visiting Victoria, I made a stop at the beach in front of the Ross Bay Cemetery. It's a nice beach, once you get past the ways in which it's been anthropogentically modified. The gravel that has been brought in to fill the coastline just doesn't quite look right to me. But something else I noticed not looking quite right was the amount of garbage I found on shore, and floating in the water. Walking only about 20m along the beach I managed to fill my arms with plastic, foil, and a rubber glove.

The photo is of the garbage found within the seaweed, sticks, and beached jellyfish. I was shocked at how much garbage I found in such a short amount of time and distance along the beach. I didn't intentionally go to the beach to pick up debris, but as I saw one piece after another, the little time I had turned into a bit of a cleanup. 

Part of me is a bit naive to think that no one intentionally litters these days, and this mess is of accidental deposit. The other part though knows that all of this could not be the outcome of accident, but rather negligence.

I am one to pick up garbage if I come across it, and see it as our responsibility to do so. If  garbage is public property then we (you and me), as members of the public, are the owners of all the garbage stuck to the city streets, under the forest canopy, and floating in the ocean. Therefore we have a responsibility to pick up not only after ourselves but each other, because it all belongs to all of us, and we cannot be ignorant of that.

I encourage those who read this to adopt this way of thinking of garbage and to pick litter up when you come across it as if it were your own, because it is. 

My mum always used to tell me not to take shells from beaches, beacause if everyone took them, there wouldn't be any left for people to enjoy. If we apply this to litter, and everyone picked up one piece of garbage a day, would there be any left on the streets? In our parks? On our beaches?

City Bike Grassland

Worth Waiting

You could have my heart, man if only you knew. Unbraced, I am faced with the most gorgeous smile, that makes the pumping mass in my chest skip, and speech stutter. I try not to get caught watching you peel away your second skin, and fall too hard over morning coffee and muffins.

With silly plays on words, I fear to be to forward, for I know nothing could realistically come of such feelings. Sometime in the future when, with more certainty, I hope we could be somewhere, somehow, in each others vicinity. Although for now, if there is a chance for such a romance, my heart will not deny it.

Eyes, Ears, Mouth, and Nose.

I've been doing a lot of driving and visiting lately (approx. 700km up, down, and across Vancouver Island). Upon leaving Tofino, I have been back to Denman for a day, then down to Victoria, where I visited my Wifey and played in her garden:

We were weeding and surprisingly found about 10lbs of rouge potatoes that we made a fabulous lunch from with onions, leeks, and garlic from the garden, accompanied by a salad as well.

After getting my fix of Discovery Coffee, seeing HP 7 pt. II with the lovely Lo & Wife for a second time, and BBQing with the best company, I left on a much bigger ferry then I have been used too, and headed for the mainland (for the first time in over a year). Off to the big city I headed to see one of my favourite bands, Beirut, play at the Commodore Ballroom! The show was most excellent, and one that was on my list of things to see before I pass. My favourite songs were played, and I was with a group of 7 pretty awesome people, so I am happy to say my Vancouver trip was very enjoyable. Now I am back in Nanaimo, and will being getting a ride up North, and return to my tiny island.

High Tide

Again I have escaped away to the West Coast of the "Big" Island.

Oh how Tofino has my heart in more ways then one.

I had the most amazing surf thus far, period. I actually surfed-for real- and I mean dropping in on the face of green waves, not just being pushed around by white wash, or catching waves and popping up in the trough.

I can still feel the rush of momentum of the board beneath me, as I slid down that first wave, and thought :

"Oh... This is what surfing is."

This one wave was the start of an irrevocable relationship between the ocean and I.

Comparing my first lesson to present day, I feel I've improved so much in the last 4 months since I started this wavy love affair. Not only the physical aspect of surfing, but the metal changes I've experienced have reshaped my ability to let the ocean into my life fully. Growing up on the coast I have always had a close bond to the great body of salty H2O that has surrounded me since birth. I love being on the water, on the shore, but always had this fear of being in the vast marine world. Learning about all the beautiful and terrifying creatures that live in the cold depths, and my (irrational) fear of whales, has kept me out for far to long, and surfing has helped me break the surface. It may have something to do with the thick neoprene barrier between my fear and I, but with board under arm, I've been able to overcome a fear and be flooded from the oceans high tide. I even saw whales for the first time while out in the water breaching, and flapping their tails far off shore, and I was okay with it, even more, I was excited and wanted to see more. 

Beaches are my favourite (for real)

I make really great faces when I go to the beach apparently.

Hey Summer

I feel silly looking back on recent posts, for as much as I miss those back home, I am having a most excellent summer here on Denman Island. Living an easy island life, really I can not complain, but must appreciate this much needed break from school. For I spend my days listening to CBC on the radio while drinking coffee, and watering the green house. I bike to the lake and play on rope swings while getting a tan. I hitchhike to the cafe to read book after book, drink fabulous coffee and write my wife letters. Saturdays I go to the market and eat local goodies or find treasures in the free store. I frequent the beach often where I practice tying knots, and find myself wondering the forest at some point during the day. Or sit on the porch and play with the cats. So life is great, and I am happy, and so lucky to be able to have such a summer. 

Lonely Island

I miss my friends. I miss my friends a lot.

I miss going to Discovery coffee everyday, and sitting chatting with the staff, drinking great coffee, listening to great music, meeting great people.

I miss the ladies from work and all the fun bike rides, girl's nights, picnics, dance parties, and shenanigans we'd get up to.

I miss my friends in Tofino, having beach fires, going for hikes, surfing, and making amazing food with them.

I miss The Pod, my most interesting friends from school who I am always getting into trouble with, or annoying the hell out of any waiter/waitress who has to deal with us.

I miss the guy who wears a lot of tye-dye and is always giving "Free Hugs" downtown, and all the familiar faces on the buses I used to ride.

I miss my kitty-cat Carbon and how we used to cuddle before bed, and playing with her yarn, or balled up pieces of paper.

I miss Jones, DeVries, and fritzen Hoodless.

I am so lucky to have all these people in my life, and being away really helps me to appreciate them all so much more.

Tinier Island & Internal Explosions

     I didn't think I was much of a city girl until I came to Denman, how the farmland has humbled me. A new friend asked if I could take care of his chickens, and feed their horses for them while they were away. My task was to lock the chickens in their coop in the evening so the mink wouldn't get them, and then feed the horses in the morning. Easy enough right? Well I thought I could just herd the chickens into their wooden house, but they would not cooperate, and I am sure I looked rather silly half scared of my new feather friends, chasing them around the pen. Luckily I had a real farm boy with me who promptly got all the chickens tucked in bed. Lost some points there. Feeding the horses went well, and I got to drive a big work truck around (my wife would be proud), and in the end the job was done (with some help).   

     I took over the position of retreat manager while mum was in Nanaimo, and opened a new, rather large, retreat having to get 24 people organized. It was abit stressful but turns out I am an alright manager, and now mums back and I get to relax.

     I had my first visit to Hornby Island last night, an even smaller gulf island just East of Denman. I went over in the evening with a friend and we went to this show that was happening at the "ball park" which turned out to be rather messy. I have heard of Hornby parties and it was all a bit overwhelming for me seeing as I have been camping at a silent retreat center for just about the last three weeks. Too many drunk people, too many high people, and I didn't really know anyone so I was a bit nervous, shy, and uncomfortable to start with, but i decided to make the best of it and ended up having a pretty good time. But I don't think I would go to such an event again. I'll  save Hornby for the sandy beaches.
   I did however end of going right back to Hornby this afternoon  with mum and some of her friends.  We went to an art opening on this huge grassland property where the owner's (Jeffory Rubinoff) giant metal sculptures were scatter among the meadows. It was a interesting setting walking through the open fields in the sun and stopping at the numerous iron and stainless steel giants. Some were chemically weather and rusted, others being biologically take over by lichens, moss, and bird poop, and few that had yet to show the effects of mother nature. There was an amazing four piece quartet that performed Beethoven's Opus 131 in C-Sharp, it was absolutely brilliant. Breath taking.  We sat and watched from a grassy hill,  as the musicians played their instruments with their entire bodies, and I mean entire bodies. Their energy flowed from their toes, and ear lobes, and finger nails, to the tips of their nose. I kept thinking they were going to leap right form their seats and burst in flames from the emotion being exerted by each individual cell. So easy was it to submerge myself fully into the atmosphere, it moved me.

     On another note I really want to go back to Tofino sooooooooooon please and thank you

_________________________________________________

     I am missing my dear wifey enormously. I feel space in me that is empty. It's empty of laughter. Empty of the biggest, loudest laughs I have ever laughed.

Empty of Kim's contagious laughs that just fill your mouth until it overflows from laughter, and there are laughs all over the floor, so many that they can not be cleared, and they rise so quickly you become submerged in a pool of laughs. You drown in laughs. Every orifice in your body is filled with laughs. You explode with laughter, and die a most joyful death.

I miss you.

Discovery Coffee Comes Camping with Me!

I've created the perfect ritual for my daily morning coffee while camping, all while never leaving the comforts of my cozy sleeping bag.

Part I: Wake up

Part II: Boil H20 - I have my camp stove under the fly outside the back of my tent

Part III: Grind Those Beans - with the help of a fantastic hand grinder (thanks too K.)

Part IV: Brew Brew Brew - I wish I had my mini bodum

Part V: Enjoying my morning coffee, and nature

Discovery Coffee Comes Camping with Me!